What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for love?

I was working in a bakery on the Gold Coast and across the way was a Go Sushi, and I had a crush on the boy that worked there. I was about 16. We’d close at about the same time in the evening, and I would have to throw away all of the bread that we didn’t sell and he would have to throw away all the sushi. He would always finish first, so sometimes he’d come across and help me – not allowed, by the way. And I thought it would be really funny, on one such occasion, if I did a bit where I hollowed out a cob loaf and put it on my head and stacked loaves of bread up my arms, and I put Vienna loaves on my shoes and started skating around the floor calling myself Bread Girl, thinking that he’s obviously going to find this hilarious. He laughed along, then about five minutes later he asked me if he could have my older sister’s phone number.

Give me some words that should never be used in a sex scene.

Cream. Seed. I also really don’t like the word engorgement. That’s just a personal preference.

Some of your TikToks lately are about men invading BookTok to make mean comments. If you were going to convert a straight man into loving fantasy romance, what book would you start with?

I’m going to be selfish here and say A Forbidden Alchemy, my first book. I think it would be harder to face me head-on and have an argument about why that book is bad. These types of people who come online and say all of these mean things are real, real brave on a keyboard, and they turn to water in person. I have converted a few straight men to liking fantasy romance with my book. That was a proud moment for me.

The second book I would use is The Buffalo Hunter Hunter by Stephen Graham Jones, which is more horror-leaning but it’s got all those fantasy elements in there and a nice little romance as well. From there, I would take them to something that’s written by a woman where the romance takes more of a centre stage – something like Shadow Reaper by Lynette Noni.

You often start your TikTok videos by pretending to share a beauty tip so men keep scrolling. But what is your actual biggest beauty tip?

My biggest beauty tip is down with the patriarchy. Down with the patriarchy is going to give you the best glow, the brightest skin, the clearest eyes. Pretend it doesn’t exist, pretend misogyny is not a thing and carry on with your whimsical life as it’s meant to be lived.

Who is the most famous person in your phone?

Katherine Heigl. We talk on social media a lot and we message every now and then. She’s so, so supportive. I’m definitely not a close personal friend of hers. I just wish to be.

Without checking, what do you think your screen time currently is?

I know that it’s four hours a day, because I am like a child who’s been given a set amount of iPad time. I have an app on my phone that only lets me have four hours of screen time a day. It gives me a little warning saying, “You’ve got five minutes left”, and it’s usually 11 o’clock in the morning at that point.

What is your favourite “micro trope” in romance?

The nightmare trope. If two characters are sleeping in proximity to one another, one of them wakes up after having a nightmare. The other one has to comfort and console them. It works even better if they’re not meant to like each other.

If you could have a talking animal companion, what kind of animal would it be and what accent would it have?

A really, really disgruntled and irritated horse. And I think that horse would have received British pronunciation, like very posh. It would basically follow me around just being endlessly frustrated with my antics and my inadequacies.

If you could have learned one lesson earlier on in your life, what would it have been?

Stop worrying about impressing the people around you. I had this inbuilt need to make sure that all of the people around me that were consuming my work were impressed by it, so it hurt if they weren’t. And this is an industry where people are very, very free with their criticism. I had to learn to let that expectation go.

You used to work as a teacher. What level of spice in a romance book is too spicy to recommend to a co-worker?

If they’re an adult, I just ask them what their preference is. “What kind of romantasy are you after? Are you looking for open-door, closed-door?” Open door means explicit, on-the-page sex, and closed door is where we’re not actually present for the shenanigans as readers. Everyone’s preference level is different. And then I would make a recommendation based off that. You’re not going to recommend Fifty Shades of Grey to your Catholic grandma, you know what I mean? You’ve got to use some common sense there.

I don’t know. She might like it?

She might. She might love it. You have to ask her, though.

• Stacey McEwan will be in conversation at State Library Victoria on 13 August. Her latest book is A Forsaken Prophecy