Lulah Ellender’s journey of discovery begins with the gift of a book, “a small red-brown, marbled hardback journal”. It’s full of lists written by her grandmother Elisabeth, starting when she married in 1939 and ending in 1957, when she died from cancer, aged 42. The lists range from inventories of household linen and a “register” of eggs laid by her chickens during the second world war, to what to serve at a cocktail party for 80 people. Ellender’s mother, Helen, gives her the book. It’s a thread and Ellender follows it until she has unravelled “the story of the grandmother I never knew”.
Elisabeth’s father was a diplomat. She was born in 1915, and her childhood was spent “lurching between the thrill of foreign lands and buttoned-up restrictions of English boarding schools”. In her diary she describes life in China, where her father was ambassador in 1936, as “wild and beautiful”. But when she returned to smoggy London, Elisabeth fell into a deep depression. Marriage to Gerry, a diplomat she met in China, allowed her to escape “the cramping atmosphere” of her family’s home on Eaton Place in Belgravia. And as the world descended into war, Elisabeth started her book of lists. The first one runs for 16 pages and details their many wedding presents, including six early-morning tea sets.
Her book of lists was a stable reference point in a life that often seemed in danger of spinning out of control. The war, severe postnatal depression (“I really did feel as if I might go clear off my head”), the suicide of her brother and the stress of being a diplomat’s wife – which included being followed by secret police and relocating her household with just a few days’ notice – took their toll. Her lists were a coping mechanism, but for Ellender they are also “pared-down expressions” of her grandmother’s spirit.
This is a hauntingly beautiful meditation on life and death, spanning three generations of a family. By the age of 12, Ellender’s mother had lost both parents to cancer. Helen finds out that she, too, has inoperable lung cancer: as Ellender says, it seems “especially savage and poignant” that just as she is writing the story of Elisabeth’s life, “my mother is told hers is coming to an end”.
• Elisabeth’s Lists: A Family Story is published by Granta. To order a copy for £14.44 (RRP £16.99) go to guardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over £10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of £1.99
