Well appaz Andy (!) Marr’s novel is this totes must-read, kind of the new Mantel except minus communism & way more hilair? Dave is like, well what do you expect from dear old Chadders, you do know the plot was entirely his idea? I’m like, God, who knew, no offence but I do not remember one creative thing Lord Chadlington has said, unless you count I could sell you that field for £140,000, special price? I did not even know Chadders was bezzies with Andrew Marr until he asked us for a party at No 10? I’m like, honestly Chadders, do you not think it is enough us having Mr Cobber here literally 24/7, just this morning I found his ointment in the fridge & God knows what he does with my Vogues?

Chadders was like, my dears, if it is the BBC element that worries you, trust a Gummer’s intuition, allowing for his disadvantages “Andy” is straight as a die & with my PR hat on, I know he will not forget your kindness, moreover there might be another field in it, Dave was like, we’re in, Chadders you legend. And actually the party was amaze, Andy Yentob (?) had everyone in fits with his card tricks, Mummy was, like, darling, that man is wasted on the radio, then Ed Victor did a headstand, I was like, wow? Mr Cobber was like, oi Sabrina, you think that’s clever, I can do that AND re-write the entire British constitution at the same time, do us a favour sweetheart & fetch my ointment, referendums always play havoc with my chafing.

Dave was like, it’s true babes, I’m like, how would you know, he’s like, no, the constitution, I’m like, so why invite all those dreadful geeks to Chequers? He’s like, because Lynton says to keep them quiet while he gets the job done in seconds? I’m like, but he is always saying you can’t fatten a pig on market day? Mr Cobber is like, hate to correct the lovely lady but the whole thing goes, “unless the pig happens to be English home rule”, OK Sabs, worky-time, where did you put my copy of the Yarra Yarra Golf Club constitution?