I’ve never really been one for touch

Oh sure
A hug now
And

Then
Kisses for parents
Children

The boyfriend / men
That came
Were dropped
Drifted off

The hugs and kisses for birthdays
And
holidays
The hug for the newly widowed
The newly parentless

No

I was never much of a hugger
Never one connected to skin
Never lived in SKIN that way
(notice how I didn’t say “MY SKIN”)

The skin I walked in – Brutal

Tough
Knives in pockets
Or
Boots

Cut-throat words as well

And
The outpour of hard laughter
When
those words
Hit
And

Brought
someone down

In my lean / paunchless youth
That
rippled with muscles
And
Cold words
Oh
I saw the looks – from those who wanted to reach out

Reach out softly

Those who ONLY wanted a glimpse

And

a

Smile

But –

Me and the people I ran with THEN

Were
“The-lean-and-hard”

And
“The-too-cool-to-make-time” people

We were SO well grounded in stances
That
we KNEW were fake
But
carried on anyway
because

we were fearful of TRULY BEING SEEN
We KNEW our promises of TOGETHER FOREVER
Melted
as soon as we walked away from each other
Down
another block

We felt the heaviness of IT ALL

The hard bop
Of
Words

Stances
And
fists
but were too afraid
to put it down
and
give into those who were
strong
bold

in their softness
and
NOW
the mind bends
and
the years flow
some of us here
some no longer

some of us pass each other now as strangers
looking
and
no longer looking in each other’s eyes
and
some of us – the flesh
has softened
and

become loose
the stance is now a stumble
and
if by chance we found – ease

or fooled ourselves into thinking – it was there – That ease
the ease
swirled itself into a Legba dance
fooled us all
filled us up with fear
and kerchiefs
and hidden faces
and
stifled breath

and

the fear of HANDS
possibly dirty

Hands
w/their soft face caresses
slaps to the palms
knuckles meeting knuckles

the intertwining fingers
Now
dangerous to touch.

so
like I said – never been one much for skin on skin
or

never much cared for the skin I live in

but
NOW

The mind rolls back

I want to hold that LEAN girl – tell her to drop her

Hard
Cold stance
I want to tell her to not just glimpse

But
LOOK

SEE

and
hold that strong soft person
HOLD
Those brave kind people
If I could NOW

Just reach back
Take them in
Hold them for a second
I want to reach back NOW

And

Hold you
Hold you

Just once

• Dael Orlandersmith is an American actor, poet and playwright