What kind of cheese am I? This is an embarrassing question considering I have become lactose intolerant. I think I am a Venezuelan beaver's milk cheese: suave, persuasive and remarkably expensive.

I should explain that my dad was born Reginald Francis Cheese, but he changed it to Cleese when he joined the army in 1915. So I've always been a Cleese, which is a shame. I once wanted to change it - maybe I still will. I could become Jack Cheese, and live in Monterey, and be known as The Artist Formerly Known As John Cleese. Or not.

Yes, but you musn't mention Evelyn.

I think the oddest thing about Python was how little it's been imitated.

The only thing I know about motor cars, is that there's a big wheel which you turn anticlockwise if you want to go to the right, and two pedals, "faster" and "slower". There is nothing else about cars that interests me.

Yes, I should say they would have been much, much better, but some film schools now run courses where students can try to make out what the story is supposed to be.

People are surprised when I say that I made myself laugh while writing the book. But this is because, when I think of a joke, it's the first time I've heard it.

I'm so pleased you like that story. Half the readers think it's the funniest thing they've read for years, and the other half are horrified.

I was once in a therapy group with a high court judge who told me that when he watched Fawlty Towers he'd become so embarrassed that he left the room. However, wanting to know what happened, he returned but stood in the doorway and watched the rest of the episode from there.

Since "repent" is a mistranslation of the Greek "metanoia", which means "change of mind", I am not regretful, but I have changed my mind. Because I discovered that there was a conference in London just before the Python show at the O2, when top New Testament scholars from all over the world congregated to discuss the impact that Life of Brian had had on their studies. This is not a joke. They're publishing a book about it in a few months. I'll tweet it when I know the title.

So, to know that Python has had this huge impact on Christianity makes me feel good about the film.

The Weston-Super-Mare Stranglers. They beat the Beccles Shirtlifters 4-3.

My favourite colour is light blue. But I have an ex-stepson called Clinton, who is trying to invent a new colour. Til he does so, he's going to have to go on being a vet. But when he does finally invent it, it will become my favourite.

You ask: "What's the point of boiling one's knitting needles apart from burning one's fingers when trying to get them out of the pot?" That is the point. There is no point. It was a joke. There are several others in the book that I don't think you should waste your time looking for.

The reason it's so hard to write a screenplay is that nobody really understands how to construct a great story. If they do, there's an awful lot of luck involved. But the story is the most important part of a film by a million miles. Read William Goldman. And I took Robert McKee's course twice, and thoroughly enjoyed both times.

No I am not the modern day Leonardo Da Vinci. He was the Renaissance John Cleese.

Yes, you can expect a new season of Fawlty Towers in the autumn, but you'll be very disappointed if you do.

I'm interested that your next project is about "the German sense of humour". It was Mark Twain who once said: "The German sense of humour is no laughing matter." However, I visited Germany a great deal and find they have pretty much the same sense of humour as us. It's the southern Europeans who don't get British humour.

Re my arguments with Terry Jones, they never turned violent, because if they had, I would have killed him.

You ask in what way do the other Pythons look at me. The answer is: enviously. They would like to have my charisma, my charm, my dress sense, my moustache, and my deep spiritual attainments. On the other hand, I look at them with derision, especially in the case of Terry Gilliam. Does anybody know who is writing his autobiography?

I'd like to say I'm delighted you found bits hilarious. The problem for some years has been - where do I want to work? You see, almost everything I've ever done that's been very successful has been written by John Cleese. And he is a painfully slow writer, and not a "genius" as some of his detractors allege. Since he needs so much time to write anything that's any good - Wanda took 13 drafts - he can't do that while there are rather large alimony payments. However, he makes his last payment next month. And so do I.

I support the Liberal Democrats as long as Paddy Ashdown is alive, but I do wish they weren't quite so keen on Europe.

I continue to support the Liberal Democrats so long as they are in favour of proportional representation, and the Leveson recommendations.

If Jesus Christ returned he would now be an executive Jewish carpenter.

The thing about work is... there's the sort of work you just do for money, and the sort of work you really enjoy but happen to get paid for. You shouldn't do any of the first after you've paid the alimony off.

I think I'm about to do one or two interesting things, at long last.

The best thing a director can do for me is to say: "Faster". Or "slower". And "more", and "less". But they seldom do because they'll always worried about the fucking shot.

A friend of mine once said "cats are killers". But then so are human beings. And I wouldn't want to be friendless. I have thought about breeding vegan cats, but that depends on where you stand on vegetable rights.

I honestly think that writing comedy now is harder than its ever been, partly because technology is changing society so fast. If I had to rewrite Wanda now it would need to be completely different, thanks to mobile phones. I was thinking recently that the only sensible thing for a comedy writer at the moment is to set the piece in a historical period, where everyone agreed what the conventions. I think its easier in television, because it's more transitory.

At the moment, I'm adapting a farce that was written in the 1890s. I know about that period...