I hate sloppy, overblown, cliche-ridden language when it is used by those who should know better. I hate jargon. I hate the idea that rules govern language, though I do not expect you to find a split infinitive within this book. I hate Alastair Campbell. But most of all I hate Lynne Truss, who cornered the market in grumpy rants about the state of the nation's use of English, and makes this appear exactly what it is - a shameless piece of opportunism.

So how mega is this, like? I mean, like, is it awesome. In case you hadn't guessed, I hate that kind of language.

But I hate this kind of thing even more: The right to be offensive is always a prerequisite for public debate going forwards. This was written by someone who is supposed to be in the business of communication. How can people speak and write like this? Are they indifferent to the sound of language? This sort of thing - along with meeting Campbell or Truss - can ruin your day.

There are many types of attitude towards language. There are the slobs, the yobs, the nobs, the doubters and the pedants. I hate them all, though you might think I'm a pedant. But I'm not. I just implement the basic rules of grammar and use language correctly, unlike Campbell.

Why do people speak and write so badly? We need look no further than the appallingly indulgent attitudes towards education that we have fostered since the 60s. So, poor little diddums can't spell inoculate and doesn't know how to structure a basic sentence. Well, never mind, just do your best and we'll give you marks for trying. What kind of sloppiness is this? It's not fair on the kids and it's not fair on the rest of us who sometimes have to talk to them. I hate all this wishy-washy liberalism.

I want to stress again that I am not a pedant, though I would like to point out that I've been through every single one of that idiot Campbell's public statements and can state categorically that he doesn't understand the difference between disinterested and uninterested.

Now that I'm in the mood, let me tell you about some of the other things I hate. I hate people using verbs as nouns, I hate the way the Americans have corrupted the beauty of our language, I hate people using two words when just one will do, I hate politicians mangling words with their lies and obfuscations, and I hate Campbell.

Even the BBC has been guilty - in particular those cowering bureaucrats who gave in to the government bullies and started censoring the brilliant journalism of the Today programme. But let me end with these thoughts. One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand. And if you bump into Alastair Campbell, give him a kicking. Metaphorically.

The digested read ... digested

The grumpiest man on radio stakes his claim to the title of grumpiest pedant on Grub St.