... and those further revelations from Dumbledore's room are not all that revealing at this stage. Clues are dropped that Voldy may indeed be – drumroll – the half-blood prince himself when Harry gets taken back in time to learn more about the Dark One's horrid upbringing in an orphanage. He was beastly even then, scaring the other kids and pinching their yo-yo's. Tsk. He gets a place at Hogwarts instead of an Asbo. How things could have been different.

WARNING: MINOR SPOILERS FOLLOW

A cursed opal necklace makes an appearance during a weekend out at Hogsmeade and fells Katie Bell. Harry points the finger at Draco Malfoy – the rotter – but can't produce the evidence to back up his accusation. There's a portentous secret meeting between Malfoy and Snape (sssss) at the end of chapter 16 which further rouses HP's suspicions.

JK promised further love interest as the chaps get older, and stirrings in loins are indeed a central part of this section of the book. There's a tease that Ron and Hermione finally get it on (she has to ask him out, of course) but only after Ron has lusted after Fleur, Lavender Brown and, er, the "curvy and attractive" barmaid at the Hogsmeade pub. The rascal.

But no! What's this? They fall out again and he spends the next two chapters snogging luscious Lavender. Hermione is not pleased. Ron also gets Freudian on his sister Ginny when he sees her snogging a classmate. It has an altogether different effect on Harry: "it was as though something large and scaly erupted into life in Harry's stomach ... the monster in his chest purred". JK – stick to the spells and potions. Manfully Our Hero decides that Ginny is "out of bounds" and, despite all the girls mixing up love potions to slip to him, asks loony Luna to the Slug Club party instead.

Now, nobody is expecting Rowling to turn into Melvin Burgess (or even Judy Blume) overnight, but this material is weak to say the least. JK has a problem. She can neither accurately depict what these 16-year-olds really would be thinking and feeling, for fear of alienating the youngest portion of her readership, nor can she ignore their rampaging hormones altogether. Her compromise solution – a mix of "snogging" and euphemistic monsters purring – falls uncomfortably between two stools.

Oh, and there's quidditch try-outs, practices and matches to be skimmed/skipped according to your Quidditch Tolerance Level. Mine's low so don't expect the details.

It's starting to get light here and the seagulls are waking up. Still halfway through now, stick with us…