Dear the Guardian,
This was originally meant to be an article but now I’d like to submit this as a formal letter of complaint.
I’m MEANT to be writing another Horror Heights book. Instead I’ve lost ENTIRE DAYS doing “research” for this column. It’s not that I couldn’t think of anything – on the contrary, I’ve had the opposite problem. You might as well have asked me to list “My Top 10 Favourite Family Members”. Sounds easy at first but, once you get past the immediates, you’re suddenly trying to work out if your mum’s cousin Andrew really is one of your favourites or if you’re only choosing him over Aunty Karen because he has a pool. (If you’re reading this, Andrew, obviously your worth isn’t measured by pool ownership. It was just a joke. We cool? Great. See you next heatwave.)
The key to completing this task was refinement*. While my background is in standup, the Horror Heights books are suitable for readers aged eight and over, so I figured I should take that into account when narrowing down my list. Had you decided to call this column “The 10 Funniest VIDEOS I Have Ever Seen on the Internet WHICH ARE SAFE TO WATCH WITH CHILDREN PRESENT” then we all could have saved ourselves a lot of time.
So here it finally is. I hope you’re happy with yourself, the Guardian. Please send your apology to my editor who now wants to know why my next book is late and suddenly features a grumpy unicorn called Charlie.
Yours in resentful love,
Bec Hill
PS If you need any more content in the future, I’m working on an article titled: “The 10 Reasons Why Aunty Karen Should Get a Pool”.
* I was tempted to list all my flipchart videos but figured it was better just to slip in a subtle link and not look like a total narcissist.
1. Matrix ping pong
This hilarious 2003 entry on the Japanese talent show Kasou Taishou still cracks me up. The clip used to take ages to load on our dial-up connection but I didn’t care – the gasp from the audience when the entrants mess with their perception was always worth the wait. It’s pure magic.
2. Yeah, yeah, yeah the cow is back
Speaking of magic (whoa, Bec! You took that segue like a pro!), this 2004 animation about a magician by Weebl’s Stuff (of “badger badger badger” fame) is one of my favourite funny earworms.
3. Email is like a prison – with no walls
Another great 2004 animation (daaaaamn, Bec Hill! Back at it again with the segues!) comes from Homestar Runner dot net (“It’s dot com!”). If you’ve never seen Strong Bad before, you might find yourself asking, “What’s with the mask? Why boxing gloves? What’s this character’s deal?” and I’m here to tell you that as a longtime Strong Bad fan, I still don’t know (or don’t remember). It’s best just to lean into the lack of context.
4. Umbilical Brothers – The Flat
I first saw this when I was given SpeedMouse on DVD for Christmas in 2004 (what a year!) and since the Umbies uploaded it to their YouTube channel, I’ve showed it to everyone I know who hasn’t seen it. The whole thing is a masterclass in clowning and the hand-puppet fight at the end is <chef’s kiss>.
5. Cowboy Sandstorm
This sketch is such a simple, silly premise and beautifully shot – which isn’t surprising, as the cinematographer (and cowboy) is Matthew Santo, the director of photography on Spider-Man: Homecoming, Far From Home, and No Way Home.
6. My name is Marcel and I’m partially a shell
What I LOVE about this is that it’s essentially a standard joke formula which has been turned into a stunning and heartwarming short film. It was years before I discovered it was written and voiced by Jenny Slate (Jean Ralphio’s perfectly cast sister in Parks and Rec. “She’s the wooooorst!”).
7. Thumbs up for rock and roll!
Take this kid’s advice. I promise it will make you feel happy of yourself.
8. Welcome to Jurassic Park
I’ve watched this so many times. I know what’s coming. I know exactly what to expect. And YET it ALWAYS gets me.
9. Round, round, I get around
If you enjoyed No 8, then No 9 is very much in the same vein. I will never not find awkward dubs hilarious.
10. I wub you, wobot
A delightful clip to end on. You have to laugh to overcome the emotional lump which forms in your throat from the onslaught of innocence.
Bec Hill’s debut children’s book, Horror Heights: The Slime, is out now through Hachette
