I’ve been a supporter of Leonard, a Native American who has been wrongly imprisoned for 35 years, for a long time. He writes me letters that I eventually reply to. “Dear Leonard, so sorry for not writing to you earlier. I have been rushed off my feet doing yoga, going to dinner in Paris and working on my 20-page manifesto called Get a Life. I think it could really revolutionise the way people interact with their sleeping patterns.”
I love art, me. I try to go to as many exhibitions as possible because the art-lover is a freedom-fighter. Caravaggio was a painter whom I admire. Here’s a blurry photo of one of his pictures that all mean a lot to me.
Yoga. I am rewriting my manifesto as I have inexplicably left out a section on Gaia. At yoga, I suddenly had the stunning revelation that Alice in Wonderland, a book written by Lewis Carroll, actually proves Einstein’s theory of relativity. Andreas thinks I might be on to something and says: “Wow, everything is connected.”
Yoga. After calling my friend Shami Chakrabati to talk about how climate change is destroying the world, I fly to Rome to have a tofu salad with Pamela Anderson. I tell her the financial crisis is the exact mirror of the ecological disaster. She agrees. Pamela is one of the smartest people I know. The next day, I start working on my Gold Label collection. I decide on two ribbons and a hat. Hats add gravitas. Fashion can be so demanding sometimes. In a normal day, I start work at 10 in the morning and end at 10.36.
Yoga. Andreas suggests we go to visit Velasquez. Unfortunately when we get to Madrid, we find he is dead. It would have been helpful if someone had pointed this out. I wrote a letter to James Lovelock telling him I have a plan to save the world. What we need to do is to end capitalism. I then fly to New York to meet Jerry Hall who wants to buy one of my frocks. I’m not sure whether she can afford it.
Yoga. Feel low on inspiration so I fly to Lucca. At last, I feel I have grasped the identity of my next collection. It is a gold button. Andreas buys me a book by a writer called Charles Dickens, who was an English novelist of the 19thcentury. It was very interesting. In the evening, we fly to Morocco for a private party hosted by Naomi Campbell and Sarah Ferguson. Spending time with your friends is the best way of realigning your chi.
Yoga. My vinyasa flow is interrupted by Lady Gaga inviting me to LA to discuss my Cool Earth project. Later that evening, I have dinner with the Dalai Lama who asks me about my meeting with Ban Ki-moon. I tell him we have to act now if we are to stop capitalism and create a green economy. He nods in agreement and I fly back to London for a yoga lesson.
Yoga. I remember I haven’t contacted Leonard for a while. Ah well. Busy, busy. I go to the Manet exhibition and am disappointed there are no works of his for sale. Monday night was a full moon. Now I know why I was feeling sluggish. Fly to Seattle to speak at a climate change convention. Unless we act now the planet is going to literally die. I decided to donate some money to the Green party, but now they are thinking of giving it back, having discovered I have a Luxembourg company that minimises my tax liabilities. We really do need to end capitalism now.
Yoga. Then lunch with Tomahawk, Chrissie Hynde and Skylark in Toronto. In the evening off to see Hamlet, a play by an English writer called William Shakespeare. Have nearly finished my latest collection so am exhausted. We go to a Watteau exhibition. Andreas says he thinks Watteau probably invented the truth. This insight could kickstart the climate revolution. I call Björk and we agree to meet in Venice. When we both get there, neither of us can remember why we agreed to meet. So I fly home only to find Juergen Teller waiting to take my photograph. I tell him to leave. Everyone needs a little me time now and again.
Digested read, digested: Viv needs to get out less.
