THE HERO
Daniel Jarman took a long drag on his electronic cigarette and stared hard at the Indian Ocean. “What secrets do you hold?” he whispered to the massive body of water.
The secrets of the ocean, Jarman reflected, were harder to understand than the mind of a woman, and Jarman would know, because he’d done sex with dozens of them. In fact, he’d only finished some sex minutes before he came to the ocean to look at it. He was thinking about this sex – the no clothes, the good breasts, the sex oils – when his mobile phone rang. It was the prime minister.
“Jarman,” said Jarman.
THE VILLAIN
The general paced his office, as the general would do when he was excited, and now he was excited, as demonstrated by the fact that he was pacing his office. This was the moment for which he had been planning all his life.
“These decadent Australians,” he sneered, only he sneered it in Indonesian, because that is what he spoke. “They will feel the might of my displeasure, and when they do they will be crushed.”
Nervous aides noticed that when General Rajiv Rono had said the last part about crushing, he had crushed a half empty packet of chips in his hand.
THE ROMANCE
Jarman and Ayu ran out of the Jakarta rain and into a small hotel, where they booked a room. They were both wet from the rain, but also wet in the sex way. Jarman was much older than Ayu, and she found this fact very sexually good.
Without saying a word, he peeled her wet shirt off her torso, revealing both of her boobs. “Cowabunga,” he whispered.
THE ACTION
The F-16 Fighting Falcon soared skyward. The young Chinese pilot’s mission was still ringing in his ears.
“Fire missiles at Canberra,” the general had told him. “All of it. Parliament House, Old Parliament House, Questacon, fire tiny missiles at Cockington Green, too. I want the capital crippled.” And that’s what he would do.
He looked at his instruments. Not long now. Looking up from his instruments, he expected to see clouds, like normal, but he didn’t. Instead he saw the face of Daniel Jarman, clinging to the outside of his plane.
“G’day, cobber,” said Jarman as he put his fist through the cockpit window.
THE END?
“I now pronounce you man and wife,” said the prime minister, closing the Bible and smiling broadly. “You know, Daniel, when I said I’d do anything to repay you for saving the nation, this isn’t quite what I had in mind.”
They were on a beautiful beach in Bali, and Ayu was dressed in resplendent white. Jarman couldn’t believe that he was getting married, least of all that the prime minister himself was acting a celebrant, but then again it had been a hell of a week.
“Now I know you have to get away to your, ahem, honeymoon,” said the PM, referring to sex, “but have you thought any more about my offer?”
Jarman shot him a rueful smile and shook his head. “Politics, chief? I don’t think I’m cut out for that kind of action.”
