I am bemused to see Amazon.com’s list of the most popular passages in EL James’s Grey – the US ebook retailer’s collection of the passages highlighted by the most readers on their Kindles. I’m no snob when it comes to books, but I’ve not read this blockbuster, and nor am I planning to. I got as far as the pages and pages about a contract in the original Fifty Shades novel before I gave up in sheer boredom, so a rehash from Christian’s point of view isn’t going to tempt me.

But I thought the whole point of these books was the sex. Well, not according to the quotes picked out by readers, seen here courtesy of Entertainment Weekly, which seem to consist, mostly, of little slices of wisdom from Christian.

“Only when the last leaf has fallen, the last tree has died, and the last fish been caught will we realise that we cannot eat money,” he opines in one highlighted passage, paraphrasing a Native American proverb. Then there’s the dazzling insight of “Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose”, or “the growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership”, which I discover follows the timeless line: “Flaunting my erudition, I quote the words of Andrew Carnegie, my favourite industrialist.”

A number of the highlighted quotes, incidentally, are Christian quoting other people, be it a bastardised Thomas Hardy (“Why didn’t you tell me there was danger? Why didn’t you warn me? Ladies know what to guard against, because they read novels that tell them of these tricks”), or Carnegie, who pops up again a little later. His “A man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled” appears as a somewhat impenetrable Jane Austen-esque maxim which is cited as Christian’s “guiding principle” (though nothing is impenetrable for Mr Fifty Shades, I guess).

I’ll admit there’s a bit of shenanigans going on in some of the highlights – the raciest of which features the octopus-armed, questing-lipped Christian showing his dominance: “‘Oh, fuck the paperwork.’ The words come from nowhere and on instinct I grab her and push her against the wall. Clasping both her hands, I pin them above her head so she can’t touch me, and once she’s secure, I twist my other hand in her hair while my lips seek and find hers.”

But really, they’re nowhere near X-rated. And I much, much prefer the Smart Bitches, Trashy Books collection of the top 13 terrible lines from Grey – I challenge you to get through it without laughing. I can’t decide if my favourites are “She gapes at me, and I resist rolling my eyes. Yeah, yeah, baby, it’s just a face, and it’s only skin deep”, or “‘Are you gay, Mr. Grey?’ What the hell! I cannot believe she’s said that out loud! Ironically, the question even my own family will not ask. How dare she! I have a sudden urge to drag her out of her seat, bend her over my knee, spank her, and then fuck her on my desk with her hands tied behind her back. That would answer her ridiculous question.” To which the only response can be: thank God his family didn’t ask.

The passages people are picking out to highlight in Grey, though, show me yet again how ebooks are changing the way we read. Choosing to highlight a passage makes the previously private act of reading a more public one, because you’re letting the world know, even if anonymously, what you think is worth pointing out in a text. Perhaps it’s not surprising, then, that it’s Andrew Carnegie, rather than riding crop action, that we’re choosing to publicise.