John Crace 

Classic literature now with added swearing, courtesy of Radio 3

Radio 3 is adding swearing to a Wuthering Heights adaptation to give a 'contemporary' feel. How would it hit other classics?
  
  

ulysses
A first edition copy of the book Ulysees by James Joyce – would added swearing help it? Photograph: Martin Argles Photograph: Martin Argles/Guardian

Radio 3 is introducing swearwords into its adaptation of Wuthering Heights to give the book a more contemporary feel. Great idea. Why not apply the same treatment to the first lines of other classics:

A Tale of Two Cities: "It was the best of times, it was the time when everything was totally, like, crap."

Ulysses: "Stately, porker Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of cocaine on which a mirror and a razor blade lay crossed."

Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is fucked up in its own way."

The Portrait of a Lady: "Under certain circumstances there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as a top afternoon shag."

Sons and Lovers: "'The Arses' succeeded to 'Shit Hole Row'."

Moby Dick: "Who the fuck are you calling Ishmael, pal?"

 

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