"If there's something you'd like to try, ask me I won't say no, how could I?" sang Morrissey in 1986, and Faber editor Lee Brackstone seems to have taken the Smiths frontman's lyrics to heart. He has arguably gone beyond simply asking in his open letter to Morrissey urging the singer to publish his autobiography with Faber – some would say begging and crawling might be more appropriate descriptions of his plea.
"Our shelves groan and bulge and spill over under the weight of Ezra, Larkin, Hughes and Heaney. And that's just the surface; deep as it may seem. We feel very strongly that you belong in this company," Brackstone writes.
He adds, excruciatingly, "It would be the fulfilment of my most pressing and persistent publishing dream to see that 'ff' sewn into the spine of your Life. Just any other publisher won't do. You deserve Faber and the love we can give you. History demands it; destiny commands it … Morrissey, the doors of our Georgian Bloomsbury-based publishing house are open to you wherever you may be: Rome, LA, Manchester."
Of course, publishers wooing authors to their houses is nothing new, though it is more commonly done by waving large wads of cash at agents than via such public and blatant brown-nosery. Still, straitened times call for desperate measures and pitiful though Brackstone's plea is – "forlorn as this hope may be, I can only fantasise that at least you might read my letter" – it might just work with the famously miserable singer. He did, after all, recently tell Kirsty Young on Desert Island Discs that he had been "slighted and disregarded" by the music business. Perhaps his bruised ego is ready to be embraced by the publishing industry instead.
Inspired by Brackstone I'd like to beg Leonard Cohen to publish his autobiography, in daily blog-sized instalments, on the esteemed pages of the guardian.co.uk Books Blog.
Len, I implore you – the doors of our primary-coloured, shiny new King's Cross open plan offices are open to you wherever you may be: Hydra, Mount Baldy Zen Centre, on a wire. Our blog overflows with the wit and wisdom of Sam Jordison, Billy Mills, Carol Rumens and David Barnett and your poetry and tales of wine, women, song and the pain of being defrauded by your manager belong right here. You deserve the Guardian books blog and the, er, love, that our commenters will give you. Come to us, if it be your will, and we will dance you to the end of love.
That should do the trick. Now, whose autobiography would you grovel for, and how? Don't hold back now – remember, in Morrissey's words: "Shyness can stop you / From doing all the things in life / You'd like to..."
