Running for office
Eddie Izzard
Transvestite Comedian Eddie Izzard, to give him his full title, finished running the equivalent of 43 marathons in 52 days to raise money for Sports Relief. It sounds almost impossible – no, actually, it sounds entirely impossible – but he has the witnesses, the £200,000 sponsorship money and the macerated, toenail-less feet to prove it.
After an ice bath, a bit of a kip and some pedo-plasters, Izzard then went on to announce his intention to stand as either an MP or an MEP in the next five years or so. Look out for riffs on jam sandwiches and French monkeys coming soon to a PMQ near you. Hurrah!
Symbol of success
Dan Brown
He's back! And bigger and bet… well, bigger than ever! The Lost Symbol, 509 pages of ancient conspiracies, solecisms, freemasonry shenanigans, ciphers, symbology, severed hands, self-made eunuchs, and prose stylings that make a roomful of typing monkeys look like a worthwhile commission, hit the shelves on Tuesday and flew off them thereafter. A million copies of the latest offering from the multimillionaire author of The Da Vinci Code were sold in the first 24 hours, signed editions appeared on eBay within 20 minutes and mine still hasn't turned up from Amazon thanks to the rotten postal strike. I am the union-made eunuch at an orgy of almost-literary history.
Swift recovery
Kanye West
It is nice to know that bad manners can still occasionally make headlines around the world in these customarily ungracious times. The rapper was roundly condemned (even the president called him "a jackass") for interrupting singer Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at a music awards ceremony to insist that her rival, Beyoncé, should have won. Later, when Beyoncé won a different award, she invited Swift on to the stage with her, regarding which gesture Swift said afterwards: "I thought I couldn't love Beyoncé more and then tonight happened."
Thus making everything just lovely again while leaving the rude person looking like more of a tit than ever. And honestly, how often in life does that happen? Best story of the week.
What they said
"I began thinking to myself, I've had more lifetimes than any 10 people put together, and it's been an amazing ride. So this is OK."
Patrick Swayze's account in his memoirs of receiving the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, from which he died this week.
"No need to make no innovation, please accept this as your invitation."
The Church of England's attempt to get down with the kids – a rapping radio ad.
"It was an oversight." The government's Equalities Office explains the omission of Margaret Thatcher from a leaflet celebrating women in power.
What we've learned
Garlic bread makes a family meal 68% more enjoyable
People who exercise together can withstand twice as much pain
One in eight letters is arriving late
10% of British schools will be in the red by the end of the year
The oldest user of Facebook turned 104 this week
… and what we haven't
When Transport for London is going to reinstate the Thames on the revised tube map
